I had to cancel my wedding because of coronavirus

To begin with I was pretty laid back about the coronavirus, I never in my wildest dreams thought it would escalate to this.

On 1 March I finished developing our wedding website and we sent our online invites – however, just 15 days later we were wondering if we’d even get married at all.

I met my fiancé, Jordan, four years ago at a ‘Sten do’ (stag and hen do). My friend was marrying his brother and he was the best man. We actually didn’t get on that night and it wasn’t until another year later that we started seeing each other.

Dating as a single mother of three young boys made me very self-conscious but there was just something that felt so naturally at home with Jordan that everything seemed to fall into place.

A few months later my two-year-old twins were diagnosed with autism and he was my rock through the whole process. Fast forward three years, we now have Spencer who will be two in a few months and we’d planned our wedding for 13 June 2020.

At least, that’s what I thought. On Friday 13 March I received a text to say that no children were allowed to go to my gran’s nursing home. This was the first moment where I started to panic about our wedding.

I purposely chose the venue, which is 15 minutes from the home, so that she could be with us on our special day. If my kids weren’t allowed to visit her, would she be allowed to our wedding?

Worrying that we’d miss out on those precious memories of her and her great grandchildren caused me to burst into tears. This was upsetting enough but over the weekend I kept catching myself struggling to breathe at the thought of ‘what if we can’t get married?’.

I was away on a hen weekend and all of the girls started to worry as everything seemed to be getting worse, with new measures restricting movement being put into place that also left me worrying Jordan could lose his job as a head chef.

When I arrived home I sat with my mum having a cup of coffee and I burst into tears at the thought of not being able to wear my dress and walk down the aisle.

We’ve had our wedding venue booked for 18 months and a few weeks ago I had a message to say my dress was ready to pick up. As I was scrolling through my photo album on my phone I saw a picture of it. My heart ached wondering if I’d get to wear it to our wedding this year.

When news came of flights being stopped my stomach flipped; Jordan has family in the Netherlands and the Caribbean and none of them would be able to come. We sat down and looked through our guest list, crossing off those who wouldn’t be able to get there. Out of 100 guests, at least 20 people would miss out because of having to fly or their age – not to mention any potential illness.

We were due to pay the venue the rest of the money. All I could think was, ‘What if we pay all of this money, can’t get married, Jordan loses his job and then we don’t have enough money to survive?’

Each time I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, tears streamed again. Our venue was offering us a chance to postpone and sent us some dates for June next year. We debated cancelling, losing our deposit and trying to get married towards the end of this year – but what if that got cancelled too?

Everything was changing day-to-day. We felt sick with worry about what announcement was coming next – work, schools, lockdown. We had to make a decision.

Then we received news that only two guests would be allowed to witness weddings.

I didn’t want to risk the dates for June 2021 disappearing to other couples and we decided that the most sensible decision would be to postpone. I just hope now that all of our family can be present to enjoy our special day with us.

We told our immediate family straight away but we both felt so emotional and overwhelmed that we held off a few days messaging the rest of our guests.

Jordan rang the registrar who was very understanding and we have rearranged to give our notice of marriage in January of 2021. We’ve also cancelled our hen and stag dos.

The happiest year of our life has turned into a nightmare. My wedding dress is still at the shop and as we’re on lockdown I have no idea when I’ll be able to see it again.

When we can get it, it’ll be kept safely at my mum’s away from the groom-to-be (no peaking allowed!).

We are heartbroken to be missing out on our wedding this year. We’ve been on countdown for what seems like forever and now we have a whole other year to wait.

But I am hoping that with another year under our belt all the boys will be able to remember, understand and enjoy our special day more in 2021.

I have already told my friends and family that I will be taking full advantage of having an extra year and milking being a bride even more. I have already started spray painting my Prosecco bottles rose gold ready to be our centre pieces with flowers next year, trying to use this time in lockdown wisely.

I know that I will be upset on 13 June. I may have to pull a Friends and sit drinking in my dress.

I am anxious at the thought that this could continue into 2021 but I am trying to stay positive and hoping it’s second time lucky and not third. Although we are sad, all of my family have said that they now have something to look forward to next year after this nightmare ends.